Wed, 31 Oct 2001
Your challenge this week was:
Pay Day, Copy Jams
Big bad monday morning blues
and office gossip
* * * * * * *
I received last month
end of fiscal year bonus.
Why not every month???
card stock jams printer.
plan to make holiday cards
thwarted and exposed
daylight savings time
how I hate your wicked ways
dark at 5pm
too polite to ask
about red blotch on my neck
hicky shows at work
* * *
Breaking the still morn,
Some one tripped the alarm
In office below.
* * *
"10:15 a.m."
Cute boy frazzles me.
I clumsily drop the phone.
Can I hear him laugh?
I would like this place
much more if they provided
free bagels today.
The ice cream social
Is today at 3 pm
So is my meeting.
* * *
"the drama unfolds"
3:00 meeting
Has been moved to 2:30.
Yay! Ice cream social!
* * *
"a.m. efficiency"
cup of coffee 2
finished with email, websites
woops, it's damn near 10
* * *
"call me technician"
system disk error
PC scoffs at ignorance
why do you hate me?
what's this in the drive?
foiled by a coworker
and his floppy disk
called for aid too soon
help desk agent laughs at me
next time i will wait
* * *
"warped work week"
fun interrupted
retail on a saturday
should be used to it
yet i pine for the
sleep and cold beer formerly
linked with my weekend
* * *
two margaritas
came back to work out of guilt
quality doubtful
went to a bitch-fest
ev'ryone wants to quit job
but is there better?
bobby labonte
oh so fast in his grand prix
you want to be him
* * *
Once a month, not twice,
Or even three times, is not
often enough paid.
* * *
So many paychecks
to distribute to everyone.
Only one for me.
Many people drink
on Sundays, then on Monday
they are hungover.
* * * *
"to attempt happy"
innovation of
chinese delivered hot to
my doorstep is joy
today i buy new
automobile; car payment
makes job seem worthwhile
filling real jukebox
with much loved tunes gives promise
of rise in morale
* * *
"help me"
on my way out door
scary man with chemicals
hope not terrorist
* * *
"Symptoms of Monday (for Alana)
Obsessive checking
Of email, bulletin boards
Answering machine.
* * *
"the office drama"
youngsters babble on
about unrequited love
much like the Passions
she says West Texas
did it with the Big Virgin
nicknames are funny
though office drama
i find tedious, it is
damn entertaining
* * * *
"constant battle"
why do you ask me
questions just to dispute my
answer, stupid man?
don't bother with your
explanation. ears are closed.
tell it to the hand.
Tue, 23 Oct 2001 22:26:02 -0700 (PDT)
From: "Cubicle Haiku" < cubiclehaiku@yahoo.com>
Subject: Special Edition: Office Crushes
**
You're cute and skinny
With spikey hair glistening
Do you like me too?
No? Is it because
I don't sport as much gel
as you? Can it be?
Or cuz you're smaller
than me? I won't kick your ass
If that's what you fear
It's my drinking, right?
I told you it was a joke
Really, I don't drink
Fine. I do not care
I do not date those whose ass
Is smaller than mine
Screw you, Office Crush
There is a mail guy I've had
My eye on of late
**
Made up excuses
For coming to your office
Crush on coworker
Flirt while copies are
Made and everyone will hear.
Called boss honey
Sex with coworker
Is like eating where you pee.
Real bad for your rep.
**
I love that actor
I see him everday on set
it hurts my heart only
**
hey, creepy ass girl,
don't smile when i pass your desk -
your shoes are pointed
**
hot dude on the bus
sweet guy on escalators
cretins on my floor
**
Big Man on Campus,
squinting at the board meetings -
be my sugar pops?
**
Oh the office crush
so dangerous yet so fun
I think I'll keep mine.
you are so damn cute
with icy blue eyes and all
making my soul burn
So you are my boss
I have no crush on you now
and I never did
**
where is the toner?
she went to check the closet
i'll go help her look
**
Just because I smile
don't mean I'm in love with you.
no, you ain't my crush!
**
I've just discovered
that the cute boy is married.
um...he wears no ring!
**
well, you make me blush
silly man with hearty laugh
the damage is done
come make me nervous
we can pretend nothing's there
sweat glands disagree
**
Tue, 23 Oct 2001 22:23:38 -0700 (PDT)
From: "Cubicle Haiku" <cubiclehaiku@yahoo.com > View Contact Details
Add Mobile Alert
Subject: Week 2, featuring the letter M
Week 2: Be sure to
send in some more challenges
if you have any.
This week features Mondays, Mornings, and Merit
Increases
Special Edition: Office Crushes to follow!
*****************
What? This salary
is less than my hourly wage.
You damn, dirty, bitch!
**
"M."
It's monday morning
And I have 2 things to do.
Now I'm done, and bored.
Annual Reviews
happen in the fourth quarter.
I am sooo fired.
"The atrium room
is not available for
your meeting. Sorry."
I have done no work,
But caught up on all emails.
What should I do now?
Work would be better
If I had the job title:
"No work for big money"
**
"I can't stop"
sockless and tank-topped
climate control fails me, plus
weatherman was wrong
stomach growls loud
but what ever can I do?
two hours 'til lunch
what should my lunch be?
same question I ask each day
today I crave cheese
pretzel sticks and chips
produce too, but Trader Joe
where is your protein?
graphic designer
uses images much like
poet uses words
cubicle haiku
syllables in odd numbers
a woman obsessed
**
zoo animals brought
as perks for the employees.
Spend it on my raise!
**
monday morning feet
shuffle through a corporate trap
of prostitution
slicing down boxes
brain numbing work any day
like walking on nails
my lack of caffeine
makes him call me hideous
cuteness, please kick in
puffy weighted lids
coffee won't brew fast enough
to keep me conscious
go ahead and bitch
your fickleness can't hurt me
i know your password
the florescent lights
actually flicker here
accurate hell cliché
i know cell phone SKUs
this shame leads me to ponder:
what have i become?
my raise is a box
of generic cookies on
the breakroom table
**
Squinty, sleepy eyes
Monday is my back monkey
But roommate is gone!
Boost my salary--
(I do not deserve it though)
Say neither aloud
**
Microsoft for Mac--
Greater than or equal to,
Why will you not print?
**
"surprisingly, not a complaint"
Today is Monday
and it is already five.
Not too bad, I say.
**
driving to brookline
eight am traffic kills me
mondays are the worst
keyboard is sticky
spinach stuck to the "g" key
spilled my soup again
**
wings needs a haircut
i can't believe his cd's
lord, please help us all
my job really sucks
thank god you entertain me
it makes a diff'rence
**
Leave early today?
Now I bide my time,
'til an okay hour.
Was late this morning
Overslept and lit hair on fire
but go soon anyway
**
I work a lot too
waits like a full bladder
with no bathroom john
**
(a fight:)
"Martha seems to think
that her haikus are enough
to answer questions"
"Misunderstood, this
Poetess wishes for fame,
And a new best friend."
**
"Office Death Wish"
Please, God, let there be
Anthrax in this letter. Please.
I wanna go home.
**
Tue, 16 Oct 2001 21:23:23 -0700 (PDT)
From: "Cubicle Haiku" < cubiclehaiku@yahoo.com> View Contact Details
Add Mobile Alert
Subject: Week 1 (plus a few other weeks)
**************
I worked until 9!
I've got to do the spreadsheet
And more powerpoints!
*******
"Physical Frazzle"
My socks are lycra.
I look like a Target ad.
charity's bullseye.
********
Too late for haiku
Or poll categorizing
I need some sleeping.
"Potty Humor"
Why? Green poop today.
Must be yesterday's b-day
lunch with coworker.
Feeling ill at work
Clammy skin, cramps and neck pain
Tuesday is the worst
*************
"Meditations on My Frazzled Nature"
One thing at a time
is ideal. Three is the norm,
Seven, is insane.
Will someone tell me
how to rehearse for a sketch
when you've got no time.
Frozen mocha blast
Why do you forsake me so?
Must use the bathroom.
********************
"Bliss ended"
Yesterday was bliss
Everyone off except me
Now, they are back. Ick.
*********
papercuts, hangnails.
my fingers are killing me.
no more mailings, please!
*******
Instant Messenger
keeps me company all day.
I shall soon be fired.
*******
11:13
Is two hours from lunchtime
And 2 from breakfast
why must my feet drag
more pep in my coffee please
corporate blood sucker
Damn sexy accents
Australian electricians
But they like U2
**********
"Self pity in hyperbole"
chargeable hours-
the partners' lifeblood - my blood -
they're sucking me dry
"Part II: They've dirtied my soul"
Coffee stains on teeth -
visible scars of the wounds
of company man
***********
inspiration fails
no haiku drip from my lips
i will play later
************
"You are Not the Boss of Me"
Our secretary
Talks too much and loves, always
To argue with us.
***************
At 2pm it's
hard to plan a meeting to
start at 4:30
Friends premiere tonight
Sadly, I'm going to watch it
Oh, Joe, How you doin'?
Lo, in big office
Boredom reigns incoherent
On thoughts half-ass-ed
I wreak viruses
On all computers I see
Two down, just today
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